roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
