Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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