This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
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