he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
