I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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