Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
