I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
did i walk over a car last night?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
