He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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