Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
