i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
