This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
