Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
