I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
