Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
