My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just google imaged poop.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
