girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
