Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
