Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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