Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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