The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
