between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
