So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
