I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she pinky promised me she was 18
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
