WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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