obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
