toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
