Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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