Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
