there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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