I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
