i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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