She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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