I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
