I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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