he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
