I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
