Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
