it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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