i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
