the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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