it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
