I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
