I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
