wrigley field is MILF paradise
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
