Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
