I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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