my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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