Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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