what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
