My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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