Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
