I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
