I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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