so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
