When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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