I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
