At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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