I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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