i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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