he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
