can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
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