wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
