I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
