We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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