awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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