Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
