Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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