Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
