Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
