That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
