My room smells like vodka and shame
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
