We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
