you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
