dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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