I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
