Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Randomize
