Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
